Enneagram 3 and 8 relationship is an exciting love story full of passion, ambition, and challenges. When Type Three, the Achiever, meets Type Eight, the Challenger,everything is possible. They may become the next Bonnie and Clyde or Mr. and Mrs. Kennedy! One thing is sure, though—neither the Threes nor the Eights will give in to each other’s charm easily!
In this article, we’ll explore the ups and downs of Enneagram 3 and 8 relationships, what draws them together, and what could set them apart. Buckle up, as this is not going to be a smooth ride!
Enneagram Type 3 and Type 8 Relationship Compatibility
Threes and Eights share many traits—both are driven, ambitious, energetic, and proud. But those traits that they share are precisely what can set them apart, as they can easily see each other as rivals, much like the relationship between 3 and 3. For this reason, Enneagram 3 and 8 compatibility is tricky and depends significantly on the partners' maturity level.
If at least one of them is able to resist competing with the other and chooses to explore the attraction they feel instead, they can become the power couple everyone admires. When they unite their goals and decide not to go against each other, the synergy of their power can really shake things around.
Since Eights enjoy challenges and Threes like to fight for what they believe they deserve, these two create a dynamic connection full of spark and passion, reminiscent of the interaction between Fours and Sixes.
How Enneagram Type 3 and 8 Each Contribute to the Relationship?
At first sight, Eights and Threes seem very similar to one another; they are both determined, self-confident, and driven to achieve success. However, their motivations are entirely different.
Threes use success to please other people and conform to social expectations and peer pressure. Meanwhile, Eights don’t care about social projections but need success to ensure their independence.
Therefore, the Threes are much more flexible and diplomatic, as they care about the kind of impression they give off. They bring diplomacy and a willingness for compromise in a relationship with the Eights. The Challenger, on the other hand, contributes with courage, honesty, and persistence.
Threes' self-confidence largely depends on their success, while Eights are genuinely self-assured. Their strength and determination encourage Threes to stay in touch with their own authentic needs and fight for what they truly want.
In general, these two hold one another in the highest regard and encourage one another in their endeavors with unwavering zeal.
Detailed Insights Into Enneagram 3 and 8 Relationship
Enneagram 3 and 8 relationship is multilayered. To understand how they interact with each other, we’ll take a closer look at all of the essential aspects of their connection. These insights will also allow us to map the areas that are the most and least challenging for them.
#1. Type 3 and Type 8—Communication
Though both Eights and Threes tend to be very bossy, they communicate easily with each other because they are direct, clear, and rational. Moreover, since they are both very pragmatic and focused on reality, they easily make everyday couple arrangements.
Threes are slightly better adapted in a social sense, and they easily charm and seduce other people, so they often play the role of the public relations manager of their relationship. Meanwhile,Eights impress other people with their charisma and enjoy having Threes on their side.
However, while everything may seem perfect on the surface, both struggle with communicating their emotional needs and need support in this area, just like in the relationship between Fours and Sevens, where both types need to improve communication to enhance their emotional connection.
#2. Type 3 and Type 8—Values
For Threes, life is all about success, while for Eights, everything boils down to having as much power as possible. Achievers feel like they have to earn the right to be valued by being the best at everything, and Eights are motivated by the need to protect themselves from being manipulated by others.
While driven by different needs, both Eights and Threes value financial independence, status, prestige, influence, and reputation. Therefore, they match well in this regard and encourage each other to uphold these values.
#3. Type 3 and Type 8—Building Trust
Neither Eights nor Threes let their guard easily, so establishing trust between them is the first big challenge they have to overcome. Eights generally have trouble trusting other people. They believe that when they show any weakness, other people will humiliate or take advantage of them somehow.
Meanwhile, Threes struggle to believe that anyone can love them for who they truly are without their shiny achievements. They tend to test each other until they finally establish trust. Once that happens, they become a great source of support for each other.
4. Type 3 and Type 8—Stress Management
Threes are stressed when they repeatedly face failure, when their reputation is endangered, and when there’s too much pressure from the outside to succeed. Eights, on the other hand, are stressed when other people control them and when they feel helpless and vulnerable.
Since Eights tend to become highly confrontational when stressed and Threes detach from their feelings, they may be prone to irrational, dramatic arguments, after which both feel defeated. It is crucial for their relationship that both learn to provide each other support, not criticism, when under stress.
#5. Type 3 and Type 8—Passion
Both the Threes and Eights are extremely passionate and no strangers to the pleasures of life. They both have significant physical appetites. Enjoying each other’s sensuality is one of the biggest strengths of their relationship. For this reason, the Enneagram 3 and 8 dating stage is full of sparks.
However, since both are workaholics, they may sometimes neglect this aspect of their relationship, even though passion is what initially draws them together.
#6. Type 3 and Type 8—Emotional Support
Once they break the ice and open up to each other emotionally, Enneagram Type 3 and Enneagram Type 8 become each other’s best source of support. That’s because they have similar fears and know the price of success.
Eights’ stamina, stability, and loyalty are deeply soothing for Threes, while Threes’ warmth and compassion are what Eights need in their darkest hours.
#7. Type 3 and Type 8—Intellectual Exchange
Both Threes and Eights are witty, fast-thinkers who enjoy challenging each other intellectually. For this reason, their intellectual exchange is very exciting and inspiring for both, similar to the Enneagram 3 and 7 relationship. Since they are both very practical, their attention is often directed to real-life issues. They enjoy discussing political and social matters in their community.
Additionally, as they are both very competent and full of initiative, they often come to very practical, applicable solutions to problems they discuss.
#8. Type 3 and Type 8—Mutual Motivation & Encouragement
While it takes them time to build trust and be vulnerable with each other, once they do, Eights and Threes give each other unconditional support and encouragement. Eights' strength and dedication to following their own path encourage Threes to stay in tune with their needs instead of pleasing others.
Eights learn from Three's charm and social skills that they do not always need to go against others to get what they want; instead, they can rely on their own natural charisma.
Potential Conflicts in Enneagram Type 3 and 8 Relationship
Potential conflicts in Enneagram Type 3 and 8 relationships largely stem from their mutual rivalry. Threes and Eights are the most competitive Enneagram types, and it takes a lot of self-awareness for both to overcome such tendencies in a romantic relationship.
So, let’s look at the most typical conflicts Enneagram 3 and 8 in love deal with.
Control Vs. Trust
While both types are extroverted, Threes tend to enjoy social outings more than Eights. Threes' natural charm and flirtatious attitude may trigger Eights' suspiciousness and propel them to become controlling and possessive. Eights’ jealousy is like a devastating hurricane that could rob their relationship of spontaneity and damage the trust between them further.
Threes also like to control things but are less forceful and direct than Eights. They resort to manipulation to control other people, which may make Eights feel betrayed.
The bottom line is that they both need to work through their control issues to be able to build trust on healthy foundations.
Rivalry Vs. Vulnerability
Both Eights and Threes struggle to express their feelings and tend to detach from them to avoid feeling vulnerable. The control issues we described previously are also one way in which they try to protect themselves from being hurt. However, since that’s impossible, they begin to compete to prove who is stronger, making it impossible to become really close.
Therefore, they stop communicating and start blaming each other for their hurt feelings. Threes see Eights as brash and forceful, and Eights see Threes as unreliable traitors.
It is essential for them to understand that real courage doesn’t eliminate feelings but, on the contrary, celebrates them. They both have to work on accepting their soft side and communicating it with one another.
How Enneagram’s Type 3 and 8 Wings Impact Their Relationship
If your Enneagram test result shows that your type has wings, it means your core type is influenced by one of the two adjacent types surrounding it on the Enneagram circumference. Enneagram wings add more nuance to your core type and may contribute to your compatibility with certain Enneatypes, depending on the wing.
So, Threes can have Types Two and Four, and Eights can have Types Seven and Nine as their wings. 3w2 and 8w9 will make the most harmonious couple of all the possible combinations because the wings Two and Nine improve Three’s and Eight’s ability to deal with their vulnerability.
3w4 is more sensitive than typical Three and may find Type Eight too brash, particularly if they have a Seven wing. 8w7s are restless adventurists, bold risk-takers who find it hard to settle down. While charming and attractive, they struggle even more than typical Eights to connect with their feelings.
How Can Type 3 and Type 8 Take Their Relationship to The Next Level?
Establishing trust is essential for both Enneagram 3 and 8 friendships and romantic relationships. If they manage to overcome this challenge, the sky is the limit for these two ambitious go-getters. Here are a few crucial tips to support their mutual growth:
- Foster honesty and open communication. It is essential for Eights and Threes to share their needs, opinions, plans, and feelings with each other. This way, they will gradually build an atmosphere of trust.
- Practice impulse control. Both Eights and Threes tend to react impulsively when they are stressed. Eights easily start conflicts and attack other people, while Threes criticize and blame. Both have to practice thinking before acting to avoid miscommunication.
- Embrace vulnerability. Creating an emotionally safe space is the biggest challenge for these two, and they have to work on it consciously. One of them has to break the ice and start opening up emotionally. This should happen when neither is under stress to avoid misinterpreting each other’s intentions.
For more insights into Enneagram relationships, explore our recommended Enneagram books.
Key Takeaways
In general, Enneagram 3 and 8 compatibility mainly depends on how ready they are to embrace each other’s qualities without becoming rivals. The chemistry between them is strong and can make them fall head over heels for each other or become each other’s nemeses.
However, they often manage to overcome all the challenges and become a true power couple, and this is why:
- Threes and Eights share the same drive, ambition, and energy and are willing to work hard to succeed, which is why they respect each other.
- Both are passionate and prefer to have exciting, dynamic romantic relationships.
- Once they establish trust, they become each other’s most significant source of support and encouragement.
Explore the dynamics of Enneagram 8 relationships in these articles:
- 5 and 8 relationship
- 6 and 8 relationship
